Thoughts constantly streaming through my already over-crowded mind have threatened to overcome me. Yesterday I honored brokenness and beauty, feeling both inside me, acknowledging their presence. After I wrote the previous entry, I stretched my legs and embarked on a 13-mile run to purge the rising emotions welling up within. Stamping out the irrational fears and obsessions onto the pavement, I cleared a path for some genuine emotion. The more room I give these fears, the less room for what is most important in my life; and the less room there is in my heart to be a genuine and compassionate person. With the motion of running I literally stamped fear, loneliness, anger, confusion, jealousy, and alienation into the pavement; I made room for grief, self-love, and healing.
The 13-mile run was not the smartest thing to do. Already evening, I had not eaten a proper lunch and a week had already passed since the last time I had run. Nevertheless, my endurance and strong will carried me through. Recovery, however, took longer than usual, as my body was weakening and in need of immediate sustenance. That physical and mental emptying broke open a floodgate that needed to be opened…and today I begin to sort through and write about the rush of water swiftly passing around me.
I hope to engage with them all in the coming days and weeks, some I hope to write about.