I recognize the ebb and flow of life will bring times of inspiration when words flow freely, as well as a duration of silence or desolation. This is a time when I can write. It should be known, then, that the entries previous about love and loss are rooted many years beyond the time I have lived in Seattle.
Seven years ago I lived in Germany, and in wrestling with a call into ministry, I unintentionally developed a way of life like one of the mystics…daily prayer, constant thoughts on God, although I studied, spoke German, and drank much beer. And even when I exhibited my share of fear, loneliness, selfishness, and fought with my friends, I lived for solitude and union with God. As it was then, writing is something which sustains me. Thus, through my denial, questioning, and soul-searching, I became what I thought I could not be. Looking back now, that may have been a joyful if not comical unfolding for my mentor.
The title of this journal bears the mark of great transformation while in Germany. As I wrote in my first entry,
“I chose the title “Wanderlust” after some consideration, although I may change it (decisions, decisions!). Wanderlust is borrowed from German, and for us English-speakers, means a yearning to travel or wander. While wanderlust is formed of two German words (wandern: to wander, and lust: desire), the word isn’t used as much in the German language. In German, this yearning within me might better be translated as, heimweh, or homesickness. My hope is to share the inspirations, longings, and homesickness for God through the eyes of a postmodern spiritual director and servant-minister.”
There are an infinite number of blogs whose authors espouse philosophy, personal drama, travel adventures, political commentary, and/or the mundane details of a given day—this one, however, has become more about soul-work. There are enough bloggers who write intelligent things about the emerging church, I think it best to stay in the realm of the spiritual. Maybe when I return to spiritually directing people, I can explore more about what spiritual direction means and what it is like.
I see though my stats that most hits to this blog occur through search engines, mostly to search of loneliness. Without knowing whether these words I write are read, I still am drawn to write out of my joy, loneliness, brokenness, and love even if only one person found solace. I have written in journals long enough to know that words on a page often lead to wholeness in my dealings in the world around me.
Therefore, I continue…