psalm 13. or o god, where are you?

A shrouded pathwhile the waiting continues, i must journey through some rocky terrain.  the job i anxiously awaited did not come into my favor.  that alone is a disappointment—one that heals quickly—yet there is more that ushers in sadness.  a series of events, seemingly falling on top of me in succession has left me confused and disoriented.  it is a season of sadness that will pass.  this i know.  but i wonder, as the psalmist does, “how long, o lord? will you forget me forever?

how long must i wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? how long will my enemy triumph over me?

i do have selfish, negative thoughts.  i fight daily to purge them from my body and mind.  this is why i feel the psalmists cries in psalm 13.  somehow the genuine sadness and grief, and confusion of relationships has turned in on itself and become distorted.

its not solely concerning myself—someone i hold dear to my heart has been violated.  and a friend’s mother has died. i weep for her, i weep for her future, i weep for my friend and his loss, and i hope.  i hope for the justice only god can bring.  but i wonder, as another friend did recently, where is god sometimes?

and i turn to sufjan stevens to accompany me, as he sings, “o god, where are you now?  o lord, say somehow. the devil is hard on my face again.  the world is a hundred to one again.  would the righteous still remain.  would my body stay the same.  o god, hold me now.  o lord, touch me now.  there’s no other man who could save the dead.  there’s no other god to place our head…”

the psalm ends with hope.  that’s where i end, too.

but i trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.  i will sing to the lord, for he has been good to me.

amen. so say we all.

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One thought on “psalm 13. or o god, where are you?

  1. Thanks for sharing that. Found your reflection because I’m writing on the exact same theme today in my daily devotional! Praise the Lord for the hopeful ending :) You’ll find my devotion at http://cairnhillchurch.com – may the Lord bless you as you continue to write.

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