This is for all the lonely people…

Curious about my blog stats, I am looking at how people find me and what they are looking at.  The top two posts of mine are both about loneliness and darkness.  This isn’t surprising as loneliness comes up often in my writing. The late night post with a poem by Hafiz is number 1 by far.  Apparently, many people search for Hafiz, as “don’t surrender your loneliness” shows up often in various forms on my search terms list.  This is followed closely by, “Light Within My Darkness,” which is close to the most often searched phrase, “light in the darkness.”  Both are from the winter, when was dark and gray outside, and what I felt inside, too.

I find this interesting and poignant to this week.  It hasn’t gone very well, but today was an emergence into light from a dark three days.  And as I read the two posts again, I remember the thoughts rolling through my head as I wrote.  So confused.  It has been an intense spiritual battle with the distorted part of me; I still fight with those voices tonight—the ones that eat away at my self-confidence, that tell me lies about relationships, and try to connect dots from past to present.

Life five months later is different than I was imagining.  For I’m not moving away, and although my intuition was right about some things coming to pass, I have not lost what those fears would have me believe. Vague, I know.  But hear this:  Reflection on one’s life is a beautiful thing; over-thinking can be destructive.  Still trying to figure out the balance.

I’ll repeat what I wrote back in February, because I think it’s important:

Sigh. such is life. There are beginnings an there are endings; there are sweet partings, and painful partings. The only thing I know for sure is that I love God and I am God’s beloved. This love is so deep within me that it overflows in compassion. The growth here is in being able to write this: I love myself. I am beautiful.

It’s really hard to be content with God’s love alone, when it seems as though everyone around me is getting married or finding someone to hold them at night while I am alone and untouched.  And I’d like to think repeating the words, “I am beautiful” would be easy, but it’s not.  More on that spiritual struggle with my body (and disease) later.

Anyway, I hope this space has invited reflection among those who stumble upon it…

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Tags: darkness, loneliness, spirituality, stats

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